When it comes to communications, our well-intentioned drive to impress or to pursue perfection only sabotages our efforts. High expectations create more stress and distraction, neither of which helps us be at our best.

Let’s have a look at how to lower expectations and stress to improve performance –

Why our high expectations backfire –

1. High / unrealistic expectations distract us by creating addition stress that competes with the communication center for energy resources in the brain.
2. Perfection is impossible. Other people’s opinions are outside of our control. Our audience gets to decide what’s impressive to them, and there is no universal standard. Our stress decreases and our performance improves when we focus on what’s actually in our control.
3. When we’re worried about doing it right, we’re preoccupied. When we’re distracted by the worry, self-judgement, and self-monitoring that comes with trying to do it right, our message tends to get lost in the mix.

And, I think if we’re being honest, we all know it doesn’t work.

Introducing some better options –

Shift your focus. For example, try focusing on: being helpful. Or: serving your audience. Or: taking a good enough is good enough approach.

Shifting our focus towards a realistic goal that we can approach in real time takes the emphasis off of us and lets us focus on our message and our audience.

Embrace the mess, do your best.

Communications is a messy team sport. There’s no right way to do things here. It’s a conversation, a 2-way street. We work together to communicate with each other. Yes, we strive to bring our best; that is an iterative process. Let’s aim for practice and progress, and go of the quest for nonexistent perfection.

Focus on Presence, with a capital P.

Practice being Present with our audience when we communicate. It’s not about us, it’s about our audience or message. It’s about connecting and sharing.

How to apply this in your life –

1. Reflect: Where might shifting your expectations help you grow and improve?
2. Try creating a sticky note reminder of a new mindset or perspective to help carry this shift into your day-to-day.
3. How can you incorporate / practice / apply this idea in your day to day?
4. Experiment! And see what shifts –
5. Practice! Repetition isn’t magic, but it might create magical results.

Give these ideas a try and see if, to borrow a line from singer-songwriter Margo Price, you find yourself “riding high on low expectations.”

Feel free to share with friends and colleagues, and get in touch to let me know how these ideas work for you!